Hope (revised)
by Pseudo Psyche
Summary: Companion piece to Blind. How does Obi-Wan deal with the initial shock of Anakin turning to the Dark Side.


Rating: G

Disclaimer: George Lucas and LucasFilm Limited own Star Wars and all the wonderful characters. I just want to play with them. I am not making one red cent, Republic Credit, penny, hay penny, or any other form of monetary gain, real or imagined, from this. 

Author's Note: You guessed it, another "not beta'd, written hastily" production. Supposedly, I'm really working on another fanfic that I promised someone, but some new reviews for _Blind _spawned this sucker in the interim. 12/20/00 I revised it after rereading it and realizing that it was difficult to follow. This s not as good as it could be, but it's definitely and improvement.

Summary: Companion piece to _Blind._ How does Obi-Wan deal with the initial shock of Anakin turning to the Dark Side. 

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Hope

By Pseudo Psyche

There was hope in the beginning. When Qui-Gon first met the boy that would become my apprentice, there was hope that he was the Chosen One, uncertain future or no. After my Master's death, when the Council approved my training him, there was hope that I could raise him to be the Jedi that Qui-Gon saw in his young eyes.

Where did I fail him?

Anakin was a clever boy with a quick wit and infectious smile. And he was an excellent padawan who was quick to learn and apply all he was taught. I taught him everything I knew. I made sure that that he was steeped in the teachings of the Jedi to make up for all those lost years when he should have been an initiate. I dressed and healed his wounds after battle. I gave him my full attention and my friendship. I remember many a late night conversation on just about every topic imaginable. Perhaps it was because I was barely a knight myself when I took my first padawan, but there was a sense of companionship between us. It was difficult for the others to accept an outsider, especially with the whispered rumor that the Council had originally forbade his training hanging over his head, but he managed to adjust and find acceptance. He was respectful of his elders and helpful to his peers. It was easy to like him. I loved him. He was closer than a brother to me. I cannot explain how my dubious concerns about the former slave boy's abilities evolved into a fierce loyalty to the apprentice placed in my care, but in Anakin, I found a brother in the Force who I would gladly defend to the end, no matter how steep the odds. I would like to think that he felt the same way.

When a sheepish nineteen-year-old told me he was in love with the queen we had rescued all those years before, I bit back my knowing smile long enough to lecture him on his responsibilities to the Jedi Order and to himself and left him to meditate. While he sat and meditated on how he would convince me he was serious, I went off and meditated on how I was going to convince the Council that they were so obviously meant to be together. 

I stood beside him in front of the Council and somehow persuaded them to let my padawan follow his heart, even though I was well aware of the skeptical looks they were giving both of us.

Anakin asked me to be the Best Man at his wedding, and when they married, I was truly happy for them both.

When the Clone Wars erupted, we fought side by side. Why didn't I see then that all was not right?

Maybe it was hope that the intensity that he was throwing into his work was draining him and making him irritable. Force knows there were days I wanted to pull the ears off a Gundar, but Ani seemed to feel things more fiercely than I did. Every death, every battle seemed to create a new scar on his soul. I could see it in his eyes every now and again; a brief flash of surprise followed by a new layer of hardness that no amount of rest seemed to alleviate. The destruction of war was more than he could handle. Perhaps if I had forgone my own exhaustion and made sure that Ani was all right, maybe the incident on the Outer Rim would not have affected him so deeply as to impair his judgment. But the loss of his Padmé, his angel, was just too much for him to bear.

No plan is flawless, but the one to get Padmé and the Chancellor to a safer place once it became obvious that Coruscant was in grave danger, was as well conceived as any under the circumstances. It was a plan that just did not make allowances for a traitor. 

Correction, it did not allow for Palpatine to be a traitor.

The pirates were upon us the moment we came out of hyperspace. Somehow, Palpatine made sure they had the exact coordinates before our own pilot knew what they were. Against such an ambush we were practically helpless, but I managed to get Padmé to an escape shuttle before turning to assist Master Yoda. It was in that moment I came to understand how dangerous the Chancellor was and what his true colors were. His dark image against a backdrop of bright blaster bolts and saber blades will stay with me until the end of my days. 

Our escape was hardly without setbacks. To this day, I am not quite sure how we made it out with our skins still intact. Everything was a bur of motion for me until the escape pod was clear of the ship and I was sure of at least temporary safety. 

I went for Ani as soon as I could. When I found him, the newly declared Emperor had already filled his head with lies. Lies about what had really happened on the ship, lies about his wife, lies about. . .me.

I have never seen pure hate in Ani's eyes before. I wish I never had. 

I wish I could have saved him.

He's more machine now, than man. Dark and twisted and lost. I couldn't save him, and Force help me, I may have made matters for him worse.

I didn't tell him Padmé lives. I didn't tell him Anakin was soon to be a father. I didn't tell him because the thing I was facing was not my brother, nor my apprentice, nor Padmé's husband. . .not anymore. What I was facing was Vader. And Vader has no brother, no wife, and no family.

More's the pity.

I wait here for the future and for hope. Padmé, who has always shown her cunning and bravery to save those she has cared about, will have to be brave once more. She is to be delivered soon, and then decisions must be made before Vader hunts us down in this makeshift maternity ward. We must hold fast to the hope that there is a future.

The children of Skywalker are important to that future. Yoda has foreseen it. Already, the wisps of a rebellion against the Empire are forming in secret. Though Vader and the Emperor are pushing towards a quick end to the Jedi and all that had once been part of the Republic, plans are in the works to restore peace and freedom to the galaxy. We still have hope. 

Hope does not lie in the Jedi, who are fading fast into the Force. It does not lie in Master Yoda or me. It does not even lie with these two children soon to be born fatherless into this galaxy. Hope lies in all of us, together.

I will not look for an end to all we have known, because it will never come to exist.

I still have hope.

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End 


End file.
